February 23, 2012

Today is February 23, 2012 and I am 29 years old. I feel like I am on a road to self-discovery and have been for awhile now. Here is a little bit of who and what I am:

I am a child, sister, wife, friend, neighbor, cousin, aunt, and so many things... as we travel through life, we realize who we are, what we believe, what we are, how to live:

- God is good, no matter what circumstance I find myself in or how I feel. He stays the same, even though I am constantly changing.

-I am strong in the strength of Christ. At times I may deceive myself and think I am strong. But I am coming to realize that I am not strong in my own strength.

- I am confident. Thanks to my parents, family, and friends, I am a very confident person in who I am. I am just now learning how to be confident in my talents, even though I am not quite sure what they are

- I am loyal and caring about my friends. I am by far an imperfect friend but I am learning and trying to put my friends first which I have not always done.

- I am a wife. Being a wife is a difficult task. I believe in tradition so while I am thankful I have a husband who can cook, I feel as if on most days I need to take care of the things around the house (laundry, cooking, etc). At times I get so frustrated because I feel I have to do everything...perfectly. Not that Alan is putting pressure on me but because I put additional pressure on myself.I just feel like I have to do and be everything. If you are reading this, then I will tell you I'm exhausted half the time!

-I am very frustrating at times. I know I frustrate myself because I cannot speak clearly and really say how I feel, what I want, what's on my mind and the times I do, I always second-guess myself. I guess I doubt myself. Right now, I'm doubting myself because of the mistakes I've made. Whether we like or not, our mistakes will define us. The people I was around when I made those mistakes will always remember me like that. To me, that is so frustrating. I know that if I can change, other people can change. We just don't realize it.

- I am impulsive, I go with my emotions; I'm emotional. If you know me, you know I am very emotional and impulsive. While sometimes it can be a good thing, I just want to "do" and not "think". I have had to stop and think but most of the time I just do. I want to live my life to the fullest and if you stop and smell the roses, then there are things you may miss out on.

- I am not talented. I cannot sing, act, or dance- believe me, I wish I was any and/or all these things. I am learning what my talents are.

I quit my job when I got married for many reasons and am now working with my parents. I had to take a paycut and there are times when I wonder if I did the right thing. When I have these moments, I look at my lovely apt and my handsome husband and know I made the right decision. For whatever reason, I look at this season in my life as "time-out" from corporate America. I turn 30 this year and I'm looking at my life and wondering what are the next 30 years going to look like? 

The one thing I am sure of is I will be ok.